Something I often think about, when I’m around friends with children is who these children really are. By that I mean, do these parents, my friends, shuffle their kids out in front of their friends only for show, or is there a real relationship between them? Sometimes, I’m unsure. It’s easy to parade your offspring and most people actually do this, but to what effect?
Sure little Tommy or Sarah is a great pupil and maybe even a budding musician, or professional athlete. But beyond dragging them out in front of their friends, do those parents actually have a sustainable relationship with those kids? More questions than answers here as I always believed when I was a kid that my parents brought my sister and I out in front of their friends for show.
How smart we were, our latest accomplishments. Then, back to our rooms. Of course as we became older, we weren’t delegated to our bedrooms, but an area where we could watch and listen to the adults in the room. Some are going to think that’s horrifying, but in those days (a very long time ago) it was what parents did. It has nothing to do with how much those parents loved their children but more about those same status in the community.
As a single parent, I often wonder what my role is in my daughter’s development. Am I a catsalyst or just an agent to help her determine her own life? I hope it’s the later and not the former. The change that affected me the most in my life was becoming a parent. I had to decide, very early on, what my role would be in her life. One of those, which I realized very early, was to express my feelings for her, to her. I believe it’s important for a child to know that they are loved, unconditionally, and to actually hear those words from their parent(s).
When I was growing up, hearing those words were rare; Not that my parents didn’t love me, but they had an issue expressing that love towards their children. That was then and I decided I was never going to have my daughter question whether or not I loved her. Ever.
Parents need to express more and showboat less. Certainly my kid is very smart and talented in various ways. But none of tht actually means anything if she doesn’t know that not only do I love her, but I will always be there for her – no matter the circumstance.
The title of this post may offend some because of course, we all love our chldren. The question is how it’s shown to them that we actually do love them. Are they just those that we occasionally place on display for family or friends, or is there a deeper commitment to that person, yes person, that we brought into this world?
Parents, whether they realize it or not, have a huge responsibility for the future. How we raise our children today will determine how they view not only their own lives, but society in general.
Yes. I love my baby girl very much. And she knows it. Everyday.
Conservative Skeptic 
I’ve thought a bit about that too. It is all about relationships. Learning about early childhood development, attachment theory is important. We are what our parents wrought, both from genetics and environment (especially emotional environment). This is also revealing about ourselves. You might check out Gabor Mate’ or Peter Gerlach on YT.
It makes me shudder when I see how some parents treat their children in public.
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I was in a grocry store, early one morning several months agp. I was in an aisle where a woman, with a child were. The woman was chatting on the phone. The child, a girl, kept trying to get her attention about something. The “Mom” scolded the girl, then went back to her chat. It was more important for her to have her chat than to pay any attention to her daughter. I see this type of thing almost everyday.
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check out this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4ZomIKxRNE&t=0s&list=LLK7OlovpAzhL0tf9BCosQOA&index=71
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Poor parenting knows no era, no class, no ethnicity and no society; it is just poor parenting. I think I came up longer ago than you and have no recollection of any “parading” behavior from the families on our block. Yet, I know about what you are writing and I can picture it. Is it poor parenting or just a style of parenting? Parents take pride in their offspring, so there is bound to be some showing off. Mostly, it just always seemed as if families were in this mess all together, struggling to make it work.
The truly sad bit about our advanced technology is that it allows such a disconnect between parents and children and between family partners of all sorts. Television was bad enough, but it was controllable. Today’s tech influence is totally out of control and is considered a Right for it to be so.
I am so discouraged by the lousy parenting behavior that I see in stores or malls. Some parents behave as if they hate their children, especially young children.
It is a wonder how some kids survive. My husband drove a school bus for 30 years and his was most often the only form of discipline ever received by his kids from home or from school. He had rules and they were expected to obey them. They loved him and they appreciated the controlled atmosphere of their bus ride to and from school. He cared about them and they knew it and that made all the difference. Most had no home life to speak of and most did not live with both of their parents or with any parent at all.
I think most parents do the best they can. There is so much that tears at the family unit. I wish there was no such thing as social media or that parents were smart enough to keep their school aged kids away from it.
It is hard, but it is also easy.
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My reply: DON’T SPAWN If you DON’T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT COMES WITH IT! Okay, i’m done yelling but I think you see my point. Also, I’m not that young, you assume a lot.
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LOL. It’s your use of the term “baby girl” and the dashing avatar that made me think you were younger, sorry for the assumption, Jim.
In truth, rearing of children never ends, no matter how old your “babies” are.
I will say this; in my experience, Latino/Hispanic parents treat their children with patience and respect, which seems to include extended families. I have been led to believe that such demeanor may be found in other ethnic family cultures.
I ask that you take this next sentence from me with consideration of where I live, nearly in the South and in a slightly backward rural local. In my lifetime, I have witnessed that the more “white culture” yields to “black culture” the worse are the conditions of families and the worse is the parenting. Feel free to name me racist.
When children have babies, generation after generation for many generations, added to the disintegration of families for various reasons, such as, The Great Society foisted upon Americans by Lyndon Johnson, norms change rapidly. The Internet becoming such a huge part of family and social life tainted individual choice tremendously shifting the role of mentor to peers instead of elders.
There is no going back, I suppose, short of an EMP of some sort. Thinking too much on this is absolutely depressing.
A good set of books about rearing children or grandchildren have been written by Leonard Sax, who also has a website, and Christina Hoff Somers, as well, has added her research, especially about what America is doing to its boys.
-Jeanne
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