I find trusting others difficult. It’s not that there are people I don’t trust, it’s that there are few. We’ve all heard that trust is earned, and I would agree with that statement. But it’s not a one-time-only exchange with others: it’s something that is earned daily. At least for me. When someone betrays that trust, even in a small way, I don’t ever confide in that person again. It may sound strict, but consider that if a person cannot be trusted with something small, how could anyone ever trust that person with anything. at all?
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend. We were both exchanging personal things going on in our lives. Nothing illegal or even embarrassing, just releasing frustrations about our daily lives. Everyone has them, or I suspect they do; It’s good to be able to talk about what’s going on in life with a friend that is not going to judge or try to give advice. When any of us do that, we of course take the chance that what we are discussing, , may in fact become known to a wider audience. That’s why trust is involved here. Sometimes, even someone that has proven they can be trusted, we find out that they cannot.
A few days after that conversation, I was speaking with another person, not someone I would classify as a friend, and found out that my discussion with the previous person had become very public. Again, nothing embarrassing or illegal, just personal thoughts and feelings. Of course I felt betrayed and I did become angry. I have a way though of holding that anger inside and not displaying any reaction outwardly. That may not be a good thing to do, but that’s how I handle it.
I really wanted to confront my now no-longer friend. I mean, I see him all the time. I came home and considered my options. Should I confront him, tell him how I thought he had betrayed me or just straight-arm him from now on – distancing myself from him and never having any sort of conversation with him that involved anything personal ever again. I opted for the latter. I don’t mind confronting people but then, how far and wide is that going to go, through him, so that the entire world becomes aware?
Once a person loses that trust, to be honest, it can never be reacquired. It’s over. That may seem harsh, but that’s the way I’ve always been. In this instance, I’ve known and trusted this person for years. What it was that ever prompted him to discuss our conversation with third parties is inconceivable to me.
It seems to me that this is the way the world is today. Think about social media. People post things about their lives to millions of other people every day. I’ve always found that odd. Sure, I’ve posted some personal information, thoughts, but it’s very, very limited. People don’t think anything about it anymore. Think about all the video clips we see online of people actually doing something illegal. They film themselves, or a friend films them. How stupid is that? We’ve become somewhat narcissistic and voyeuristic in a way. We’ve become a society where trust doesn’t exist anymore because no one cares about their own privacy.
5 thoughts on “Losing Trust in Others”
I had a weird case of this not too long ago where someone I had confided in shared what I had told her with others. I did confront her about it, and she said that she did not realize I did not want what I had said to her to get out. I found that very hard to believe initially, but I now think she was being honest. She doesn’t have very good boundaries, and I should have realized this. I wouldn’t say I don’t trust her at all now, but I will assume that anything I tell her will be shared with others.
I just decided to not say anything. I think that he’ll realize something’s changed in a bit. He’s not a dummy and he does know boundaries I can’t imagine what prompted him to just talk about a private conversation to others. I dislike having to to actually have to tell someone that the conversation we’re having is private. If they can’t figure it out for themselves, they don’t deserve my trust.
Approximately two months for me. But I wasn’t a “daily drinker”. Usually on on weekends, and then only when my daughter was out of the house, like a sleepover.
I for the most part agree with all you said. I like to let the person know that they have betrayed my trust & I am done. I am still cordial but like you said keep them at an arms distance without persona chatter.
I know what I know, everything else is questionable at best.
I’ve been around enough to have seen the unreliability of essentially everything and almost everyone. If it is built by man it will fail. Few humans can do ought but serve their own self interest. Ambition and acquisitiveness are the rules of thumb. I know very few successful people who are utterly without some besmirching of their character.
Rather than trusting, I have developed myself to the degree and in as many ways as I can to become independent and self-reliant such that very few poor or malignant choices made by others can imperil me. I make enough peril for myself as it is.
Learn to make, maintain, and repair as much as you can. Everything from self-haircuts to computer repair…first-aid to heavy equipment operation…safe food preparation to building construction… ( yup, I have done those and more ).
From tomorrow morning and each morning after that, root out and examine every assumption you can find in your own mind – do this so that you never lie to yourself. This makes it almost impossible for anyone else to lie to you.
With this you can move through life in a relaxed and open manner that will, in a short time, draw people to you because you can trust them to do as they will without putting yourself in jeopardy.
And forget about romance, lightning strikes, lottery wins, and asteroids are more reliable.