A few months ago, a former friend came by the house to talk to me. I say former friend because I discovered, even when we worked together, that I could not trust him at all. So I stopped hanging around except when I had to, which was work. Years have gone by and I haven’t seen or heard from him when out of no where he shows up. I don’t like that from anyone . I don’t do that to anyone and I would expect at least a phone call to check ifit was okay before coming by. That’s an old rant though and not the purpose of this post.
What he came by for was to make amends to me for what he considered the terrible things he had done to me and said about me over the years that we worked together. Make amends? This is some alcoholics anonymous thing, right? Sure enough it was step whatever out of however many To be perfectly straight with my readers, I didn’t want to hear it. I’m long over him and his deceitful actions that yes, dod cause me harm in the workplace and and one point, placed my very job in jeopardy. But I long since left that place and have forgotten all about him. Until he showed up.
I actually didn’t know at the time that this guy had any sort of substance abuse problem. Sure, I’d been out with him and others for a few drinks before, but I had never seen him drunk at work, nor did I ever see him drunk when a group of is went out after work. I think that used to be known as social drinking and as far as I’m concerned that’s all it was with anyone I knew at that time. It seems I was wrong as he started to explain to me that day, but I really didn’t care. I don’t today. Lots of people have problems that they work out one way or another. For him, AA is the method that works and so good for him. But that doesn’t alleviate his poor behavior over many years.
He can’t make amends because there’s no way for him to correct his mistake or remedy the situation he tried to place me into at the time. What he really wanted was to apologize and have me forgive him so that he could move on with a clear conscience. Why should he be able to rectify all of his poor treatment of others? I know some will say I could tell him I forgive him without actually forgiving him but what would that provide him or me? Does he really believe that making an apology should absolve him? I don’t think so and I don’t actually hold a grudge because I’ve never done anything to him in any sort of retribution. The only thing I could do is not recommend him for a position of he ever used be as a job reference, which he never has and probably never will. I don’t think I’m that petty though and the incidents I refer to here happened almost a decade ago,
The only reason I’m writing about this now is that it just came to mind. See? I even forgot about the encounter at my home. That’s how little I considered this person over the years and how much I do now. I don’t know how he gets by in his “program”. does he just scratch me off the list knowing that I could care less and do not “forgive” him or does he scratch me off the list and tell ll his snookered buddies that yes, I did forgive him. Knowing him? I think he’d go for the later. When you only perform an action to make you feel better, how good of a person are you really?
2 thoughts on “Why Should I Forgive You?”
Whoever is giving him psychological advise should instead just be telling him “You can’t change the past, but if you can recognize your past faults and get your head together now, you can be a better person going forward.”
It’s the 8th or 9th. step in AA I think: make amends to those you’ve hurt by your substance (alcohol in this case) abuse. Making amends means to correct s mistake pr a situation from the past (paraphrasing the dictionary definition). I think this would require a level of remorse, right? But what good does it for the victim for the perpetrator to be remorseful for the past. It doesn’t change what happened. But you’re right as well, its all about making the person feel better about themselves. It’s useless for the victims in that it does nothing for the harm that was caused them.